Self Portrait for my Birthday

Self Portrait for my Birthday

Most days I feel like this image … it is my favorite self portrait for that very reason.

Am I waving to the person looking in on me? I don’t know.

Am I struggling to break out of my wooden surroundings? I don’t know.

Am I about to be transported into the center of the universe? I don’t know.

And that’s the truth of this image and life… I don’t know.

So much of life is lived under the illusion of control — under the mistaken impression of being able to be understood. But even in the moment, the moment is not always understandable.

As I face down 50 years of walking around on this planet … with three mostly finished college degrees, a genius level IQ and 20 years of entrepreneurship under my belt, you’d think I’d know something.

But here is what I have all that has taught me: I don’t know.

And so another chapter of my life begins. I wonder when I reach the end of my days, what will I know? Let the journey begin …

My Missouri Love

My Missouri Love

I want a love that is stout
strong as southern born whiskey
deep and smooth and warm
enough to push out the winter chill
able to lend the perfect glow
to a summer night on the lake
I want to drink it from a thick
glass bottle that can be handled,
dropped, without getting broken
by life’s crazy intoxications

I want a love that is rugged
tough as a 4 wheel drive pickup
built to thrive in dirt and gravel
nimble in the muddy mire of chaos
able to wear its scratches and dents
with honor as it tows anything
life can place upon its hitch
I want to drive it without reservation
because I know the miles won’t matter
its value is in its tenacity

I want a love with a open heart
wide and accepting as an Ozark prairie pasture
And it is in this expanse that I want to be loved
as much in the rain as in the sunshine
Because it is here we will find our peace
and our happiness can fly
like a hawk confident on the current.

I know no love can be flawless
we are too flawed,
but I want to find that optimal marring,
a love, that like Missouri,
is beautifully unideal
perfect in its imperfection.